Quiz:
How many people do you know that are over 30 years old and got in a relationship this last year?
I don't know any!
Being in your 30's right in the middle of the worst economic crisis we've lived in ain't easy!
You might get laid, but you won't get in a relationship!
It's not like the guys (or girls) that you meet are not nice people, or kind, educated, interesting, or that you're not all these things yourself. It's just that we' re all so fucking scared... I always think "am I going too fast, am I pushing him, oh my god, he's going too fast, should I hold his hand in public, can I hug him now, hey, he's hugging me, that's weird...". Sometimes I know that if I really was in a relationship with this guy it would never work, but still I want to get into one to remember how it is and then be more normal with the next guy, who will be the real thing!
And then I remember that it's not supposed to be like this and that you really shouldn't think like this, and that we stopped looking into each others eyes and sending sweet texts to each other, and that this small word, "my", is not there. "my love, my baby, my girl, my boy".
A male friend of mine told me yesterday: "When it's about to get real, I disappear."
My friend is deeply romantic and very scared. He's also very sad.
At least some of us are lucky enough to have our friends around us, our safety net, that are substituting relationships, sometimes even family. My shrink says that we're substituting romantic relationships with our friends because we're not willing (we're tired, scared, too stressed) to take any risk. We're not willing to sacrifice things, because being involved in a romantic relationship implies "sacrificing" some parts of your privacy, time, emotions to be with someone else.
On the other hand, we're not really happy, are we? It's not like we have to be with someone else to be happy. But we've managed to go to the other side of it, sabotaging any attempt to be with someone in order not to end up being more sad. So we end up being "lågom", a Swedish word that means "not good, not bad". And so fucking boring!
I came back from Florence where I had a great time by myself!
I was looking at couples and I was thinking "Are they really happy? Are they going to last? Will they be like that in 5 years?".
Some of them looked happy, touching each other, caring for each other. Some others did not look into each others eyes anymore.
Guys, really, start looking into each other's eyes again... And please, mean it...
I'm going for my run daily run. My schedule is posted on my fridge door and I religiously follow it!
2 comments:
I have two friends over 30 that got into relationship this year. I know some that broke up as well. Some other couple got married, another got child... all of them over thirty.
For me it is more about what you actually want from life. If you want to get married, you should look for a guy that wants to get married, if you want to have a child you should look for a guy that wants the same... If you are scared you find guys who are scared as well, coz this way you feel more "safe", since they also are not sure if they want anything long-lasting.
I like this post, it looks like you found your issues... it is half way to fix them :)
I know people that got married, too, but they were already in a relationship. I don't know people that got in one and it lasted more than couple of months. It's an issue in Southern Europe where I come from. People over 30 are unemployed or poorly paid, the situation in the society is so stressful that we're unwilling to put ourselves into a bigger stress getting really involved emotionally.
You're also right, that it's a matter of choices, but I'm afraid we don't have a clear idea about what we want anymore...
On the other hand, my latest goal is to have sincere relationships of any kind.
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