Over/Under

***Updated***


Our bets in life can be a huge deal.
Our bets can be "I'll be married by the time I'm thirty", "When I'm over 50 I'll quit smoking and I'll eat better", "If I manage to run up the stairs before the lights turn off my parents won't die".
Most runners that I know of have a bet against themselves. "I'll run the 21K in under 1:30, I'll do the marathon in under 4 hours, today I'll go over the 10K". My secret bet was to run the 10K in under 1 hour.

The day before I left for Chios I asked my loved ones to give me a song for my race playlist. None of them could be there so it would be like taking them with me. Beautiful songs, funny, touching, personal, along with my punk-rock touch went together to help me keep going.

The legen- wait for it- playlist

1. Aggelakas- siga mhn klapsw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHP__qTGeHM
2. Nightcall- under your spell
3.familjien -det snurran i min skalle
4. zakopower -Boso
5.The clash- police on my back
6.mora sti fotia -kato stin poli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpnJkjpgxOM
7. Blitzkrieg pop- the ramones
8. I don't want to grow up- the ramones
9. Florence   The Machine - Dog Days Are Over
10. Manowar-  Number 1
11. Bandista- haydi barrikata
12. the prodigy- omen
13.the ramones-what a wonderful world
14.the clash- I fought the law
15.Bill Conti- Gonna fly now
15 the ramones- I wanna be sedated
16. Bandista (some other one)
17. Goran Bregovic - Kalashnikov
18. Bad religion- No Control
19. Coma- pasazer

The trip to the race didn't start so well. The people that would put me up for the night were out of town so in the end I stayed in a hotel, which a friend found an hour before I arrived after a few stressful phone calls . That wasn't that bad, since I was a super-tired sleep deprived schizoid and I could use my private space, not having to interact with people, no matter how nice they might have been.
My mp3 player broke down just a couple of hours before I arrived to Chios. So, no precious playlist, which really sucked...

The Day of The Race
I woke up at 6am for the second day in a row (and I didn't sleep at 10...) to take the bus to the race. At the bus stop no-one was talking to each other, except for a group of Turkish runners. I mean, we were like, no more that twenty people waiting there... I started thinking I was doing something really wrong when, as soon as I arrived, most of them started eating their bananas (bananas are like the Runners' Holy Communion) while I was sipping my double espresso. I might as well have arrived with a beer in my hand...

There was the Hobo Runner with a beard and all (he looked like an ex-boyfriend of mine, so if you ever read this, no offense!), the Athletic Old Lady (she was faster than me) and the Champion: the tanned, shaved (and I mean the legs), with a T-shirt with his name on and a Super GPS Watch kind of guy which I immediately disliked. This was the time when I thought I should take out my broken mp3 player and pretend I'm listening to my music...

We arrived at the starting point and I must say that the organizers were super nice people, doing their best to make the first race work smoothly, people who genuinely love running and their island. It turned our that there where more than 200 runners that showed up, many of whom where people who'd never ran a race before and that came "for the fun of it".

Just before the race starts I received an sms from the guy to whom I once had to explain that I was not running to win, I wasn't running for the time, I was running for another cause: "Remember what you've told me : I'm going to run for myself, not to win but because I have to run". Stick to that and everything's going to go great."

I started running and I was focused on my pace, on my breath, on my pulses, on the road, on time so I could finish in under 1 hour. And then I realized that I wasn't looking around and I was missing what I'd  really went there for : the place. I smiled to myself, I stopped thinking and I just did what I do every day: I ran.

 This is what I didn't miss:











I ran listening the songs on the playlist in my head

The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses
'Cause here they come

Run fast for your mother and fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you
Can't carry love with you if you want to survive





I stopped twice to pick some jasmine flowers to put in my cleavage :). That must have made me the sassiest runner of the race!

After the race I kept them between the pages of a notebook and I I'll frame them. They are my most personal medal!




I did the 10,5K in 1:04:13 and I was 8th amongst the women.
Not bad for a depressed cuckoo runner!

The Champion came 3rd, doing the 21K in 1:17. The guy knows his shit!
I finished barely sweating, he finished covered in sweat and complaining about a pain on his left arm.
(I thought he was having a heart attack, but I decided to keep my mouth shut for a change...)

The Champion turned out to be a really cool guy. I had so many hours to kill before my ferry was leaving, so we decided to have some lunch together. It turned out that he was tanned not because of solarium overuse, but because his mom is Mexican and he usually trains outdoors. The T-shirt with his name on it was from a group race where each one had to write  their name and blood type on it (probably a fight-club race or a zombie race or something...). I noticed the small Aztec bird spirit printed over his heart. The Aztecs believed that in the heart lies a small portion of sunlight, so they had to make human sacrifices to make sure that the Sun would keep rising. Thus, they were known as "The People of the Sun".





We ended up spending the day together, driving amongst the recently burning forests of the island, between the traditional stone villages that survived the fire, the smell of the burnt wood and wild oregano mixed in the air, the view of the scorched  trees in contrast to the intact villages, a surreal image so tragic, dramatic and almost beautiful.



















Photos by Pavlos Saridis

We climbed to the medieval village hanging on the top of a cliff, like an eagle's nest.
I had to steal some more photos from another blog, because I had no camera.



The Anavatos medieval village

 Photos by Pavlos Saridis



So, the dog days are never over. I feel so much better - I can even say that I am happy sometimes- but the depression might strike back. Whenever I feel bad again (and the signs of depression are oh-so clear...) I keep reminding myself that it's not a life-circle, that I cannot go back to where I was at the really bad days, that I've been through therapy and I  know myself much better, that I've crossed one of the toughest trails...

On Sunday I ran alone carrying all of you with me. I ran alone thinking of my sister hugging me before my trip telling me "you are already a winner for me, I'm so proud of you". I ran alone thinking how amazing it is that I am able to run, that I am able to enjoy this amazing view, that I am able to wake up in the morning and not feel like I'm half-dead, not thinking that life is so unbearable that death seems so comforting.
Because, at the end of the day there is only one bet : either you're over, or under the ground.

As my sister puts it: "Oh, well..."
Oh, well... Since we're here, let's just live the most out of another day.




This is for the People of the Sun:

The coolest 5K ever!

Zombies- Beer- Rock \m/

Three- Four- Ten

Who says a minute doesn't make a difference?

Entering the 3rd week of training we increased our running from 3' to 4', a total of 20' with 1' walking breaks. When we began ( running  1' - walking 1' ) four minutes seemed like a huge deal. Yet, it went so smoothly!

Who can tell us that a minute is too little?

I am 31, unemployed and single. My resume has a one- year gap from the time I collapsed by depression. How do you explain that at your interview? Can I tell them that being alive is a huge accomplishment?

I might become 35 and not be married, I may be 40 and not have any kids. Do I have to do these things? I mean, it's not like I don't want to but it's not like I want to, either. I'd love to have a life partner, for ever and ever. If I don't find that person, do I still have to do them? Will I be so sad of being alone that I will regret it?

The last time at the beach, our newly 30-year old friend was bragging about his sweet and beautiful little niece and showed us her photo. She was really cute, but my uterus didn't skip a beat while looking at it. I'm not the kind of girl who melts at the view of babies. I don't even know what to do with them. Do you talk to them? Say hi?
And that question... "Do you like kids?"
What do you even mean? Do I like playing with them for 5 minutes? Do I want to have them? What if I say "No"? To tell you the truth, I don't like them in general! It's like saying: "Do you like people?". I don't know! I like some... But I've met them first! What kind of question is that anyway?

I called my ex- co-worker to congratulate her on her 35th birthday the other day. She is the "skipping-uterus" type! She is single, too. She is smart and beautiful, educated and doesn't look a day over 30. I asked her if she'd done anything special for her birthday.
- No, I've stopped celebrating my birthday 3-4 years ago...
-Why?
- What's there to celebrate? My youth? My kids?

I'm still shocked and angry at her!

Maybe that's why I don't let myself consider kids as amazingly cute and beautiful. Because, if I don't get to have them I may be crashed, too, by yet another goal that has not been accomplished... Would it be really my own goal, though? Or is it what everyone expects me to do in order to be considered "complete" as a woman and as a person? Maybe I got angry because I got scared I might feel the same way what I get to be 35...

I remember being with this wonderful guy, having some cretan raki, some chopped tomatoes  from my garden with sea-salt on them. The kind of guy you would never get bored with, not because he is exciting, but because you are so good for each other. An image flashed in my head, us doing the same thing, living together in a Greek island, the image of happiness. He said:
-You must be thinking of something evil again!
- No, not this time...

I just smiled at him.


Our next run will be 10' straight, and that's huge. Who can tell us that it isn't?

"If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you."

0-5K schedule (updated)

I've been running for 3 weeks now, but my friend and I have been following this schedule for the last two. She doesn't believe me when I tell her that by the end of the 6 weeks we'll be able to run a full 5K. She says "No way! I'm going to die!". We've been running together and she's still alive (last time I checked) :) She doesn't know about my blog and she doesn't know why I'm really running. My friend who appears to be very weak and fragile will kick the 5K's ass! She just doesn't know it yet. I hope I make it to the half-marathon myself.

Why is running good for you

A friend of mine wants to lose weight. Everyone else thinks she doesn't! We tell her she's sexy being slightly curvy... She's joining me when I run now! I told her that if we run we'll have a firm butt and we'll be able to eat more! What else can you ask for?
We get so excited that we have to keep ourselves from NOT following the schedule and not running more than we're supposed to! We check out the hot guys in the park, the other girls running.

At the last Greek elections there was a big rise of the neo-nazi party. They managed to enter the parliament with 7%. This criminal group has been stabbing, hitting, attempting to murder immigrants and leftists for many years. Now, for the first time their elected representative threw a glass of water on a female opponent and hit another one on a live TV show. I don't know why people are shocked more by some water than the fact that this guy has a pending trial for assault and robbery. The "surprising" factor is that for the first time they did it on national live TV.
A male friend of mine wrote an article about it saying that the attack was "ανανδρη" (literally, it means "not manly", metaphorically, it means "cowardly". I pointed out the sexism of his title, the fact that being noble and fair is a "manly" quality. He said that too much political-correctness is castrating the language. He pointed out the irony in his remark. Well played, my friend, well played...

The incident has been reproduced many times but here's a link with English subs

The fact is, that more and more people feel threatened by them, and the neo-nazis feel that they have total immunity. Lately they "warned" the gay community by throwing flyers at a gay-friendly area of Athens saying "after the immigrants, you're next" .
This Saturday there's the Gay Pride Athens parade. My lesbian friend says that apart from her being critic against it, she's too scared to go because of the threats. I also think the Pride Parade is lacking a political target, it's a harmless parade, but on the other hand, I'm sick of these neo-nazi bastards intimidating people.

This week I'm doing my long >40min walk at the Parade.
And if things get tough, I can always run!

Just one more

You can always run one more minute, I keep telling myself.
I don't actually say that. I'm just thinking:

-I don't want to run anymore
-just a few more seconds
-I'm skipping the next round
-if you skip once then you'll do it again, just keep going

I'm bored, it hurts, I'm hungry, tired, sad, I don't want to run, but I keep running.
Don't give up on this one, girl, don't give up on this one...

Week one

Six months

Three times a week. Walking- Running. A little more running each time, a little less running.

I started the day before yesterday. Half and hour. 1 min running- 2 min walking. I realized that it was easy so I went for a 1min running- 1,5 min walking.
I'm listening to pop music while running, trying not to think.

I saw an old woman the other day in the train. She looked sophisticated, like a retired school teacher, she was sitting in a straight and gentle posture in her seat. Her clothes were clean, but they looked as if they've been picked up from some charity. A t-shirt with some advertisement on, old pants. I went to a demonstration the same day.

I went to my therapist this morning. After 2 years it was the first time I ever cried in a session. Keeping people away avoiding to get hurt when they leave. How can it work since I'm so sad anyway? I just try to avoid the big fluctuations. They say that if you're not living your life you're already dead. I decided that I cannot struggle for anything anymore. I don't want to wait for a boyfriend, for a nice job, for happiness. I will keep running until I don't think about anything, I need a goal that doesn't require any thought, I will keep running even if I don't want to get out of bed.