Carbs are our "Body fuel", and it's good to know whether the fuel we take from food will last long or not. It's valuable knowledge if you're an athlete- especially a long distance runner- or if you just want to eat healthy.
Carbohydrates are a chemical compound, so they're not good or bad by nature...
The foods containing them, though, can be classified as "good" or "bad" according to if they contain a lot of fiber or not, if they have been heavily processed or not, etc.
The whole good carb/bad carb debate sounds to me almost like "good cop/bad cop".
"Good cop/ Bad cop" is a very widely used method of interrogation.
The bad cop is abusive, insulting, aggressive, the good cop is there to help you, he's your only friend in there, the "fatherly figure", someone you can trust. You don't do the talking? Good cop leaves, bad cop comes. Still not talking? Good cop comes again. "Come on son, it breaks my heart to see you like that, I know you're a good kid, release your soul from this weight, talk to me". After hours in the interrogation room reality gets distorted, primitive feelings rise up and you just want the bad cop to go away and the good cop to take care of you and make him stop.
What you should never forget is that none of them is a good cop. None of them is your friend, none of them is "on your side". Their job is to make you confess. Carbs will do their job and fuel your body; if they're "good" they'll be nice to it and make it healthier, if they're bad you'll end up with cellulite and a heart disease. I must confess that I love both; the carbs, that is...
GOOD COP
+BAD COP
= CONFESSION
My cousin finally left home after her husband has been abusing her for years. She has been to the hospital more than once with broken bones and dripping in blood.
An abusive partner is a master at the "good cop/bad cop" technique.
He'll seclude you from your friends so you'll loose the sense of reality. If you don't have people around you to shake you up and remind you that you're in an anomalous situation you'll be so deep inside the situation you won't be able to even see it.
He'll get under your skin and make you believe he's the only one in your life. Then, comes the terror. More subtle at first, some insults, him being angry at you when you felt you did nothing wrong. You need to keep in mind that it never gets better; it can only get worse.
I used to live with a guy that I had to run away from. We weren't even a couple, not that it really matters. We started sharing an apartment, then we became "close friends", eating together, going out together. At some point he developed a crash on me, but I thought that letting him know that I had a long-distance relationship and I didn't see him that way was enough. He was super nice until the time I started going out with guys he perceived as a "threat". He started by saying he doesn't approve of them, by being sad and not talking the day after so I'd try to make him feel better. After all, he was my friend, right? more important than a just guy I'd went out with, right?
Τhen, the fights started, where he became really aggressive (verbally) and insulting. This is when I realized that I was not dealing with an argument with a roommate, but with an unstable and abusive person and I had to leave as soon as possible. He would throw irrational accusations on my face, he would tell me that my mom was lucky to be dead not to see what has become of me. He would come the day after, apologizing, being the best guy ever, begging me to give him a smile and go back to "our happiness". Some other days he wouldn't talk to me at all and when I asked him why he would say "you're not worth it".
I remember spending the last night at the apartment in bed, crying, miles away from home, being afraid he would come into my room and start shouting at me again. All night long, I had my mother's voice in my head, telling me "Don't ever let any man degrade you". The next day, the guy had made me a nice breakfast to apologize and "make friends". I packed a small bag and left.
The next day I asked him to meet in order to break the rental contract for the apartment. I was prepared with the voice recorder of my cell phone ready. What followed was a totally irrational conversation with him telling me that he didn't agree to break the contract, that I had to go back to my senses and return to our happiness, or else... I remembered my kung-fu master saying "never let your opponent see the fear and the pain on your face". I played it cool till the end but I was sitting closer to the kitchen door and I was ready to storm out in case he'd try to grab me. I was thinking "you know some kung-fu moves, this is the time to see if it really works..."
Fear feeds the abusive person, whether it's your boss, your partner or your husband. They are very weak and insecure people and feel strong only if they can control and abuse someone weaker.
We are weaker only if they make us believe that. I never showed him how much I was afraid of him.
The next day I took the recordings and reported him. I was lucky enough to live in a country where they take things like that very seriously, so they strongly advised me that I should leave immediately, they even offered me a guard to come with me while I was picking my stuff, and a place to stay.
Many women (or men; I'm referring to women because they are the vast majority of the abused)don't do that. They are not stupid, they are not weak, they don't "enjoy suffering". Actually, the mentality of a Masochist personality type makes the person believe that by making the "sacrifice"of putting up with this behavior he/she prevents another greater "disaster" from happening.
I was lucky enough to have been raised by a wonderful strong woman and a kind and respectful man. Her voice is always in my head.
My cousin calls the parents of her husband, asking if he's "eating properly" and if they're taking care of him. If she goes back, it may be the last time.
My depression didn't start because of this, but it was definitely a catalyst. I spend a month sleeping on a friend's couch. When I came back home for Christmas I had lost so much weight that none of my clothes fit and I couldn't recognize my body in the mirror. Now I don't care if I have a round belly, or if I gain a couple of kilos during holidays.
It doesn't matter if the abuse is verbal or physical, although, physical abuse can- literally- kill you. If you feel scared, if you feel threatened or insulted, run.
You only need your legs, your lungs and your heart; you can even run barefoot.
Run for your life.
Tonight, I'm running for an hour.
This is the new song in my mp3 player. Because tonight, tonight, I'm a CARB KILLER!
1 comment:
Whenever I think you how you handled the situation with that idiot, Im super proud of you.
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