Three- Four- Ten

Who says a minute doesn't make a difference?

Entering the 3rd week of training we increased our running from 3' to 4', a total of 20' with 1' walking breaks. When we began ( running  1' - walking 1' ) four minutes seemed like a huge deal. Yet, it went so smoothly!

Who can tell us that a minute is too little?

I am 31, unemployed and single. My resume has a one- year gap from the time I collapsed by depression. How do you explain that at your interview? Can I tell them that being alive is a huge accomplishment?

I might become 35 and not be married, I may be 40 and not have any kids. Do I have to do these things? I mean, it's not like I don't want to but it's not like I want to, either. I'd love to have a life partner, for ever and ever. If I don't find that person, do I still have to do them? Will I be so sad of being alone that I will regret it?

The last time at the beach, our newly 30-year old friend was bragging about his sweet and beautiful little niece and showed us her photo. She was really cute, but my uterus didn't skip a beat while looking at it. I'm not the kind of girl who melts at the view of babies. I don't even know what to do with them. Do you talk to them? Say hi?
And that question... "Do you like kids?"
What do you even mean? Do I like playing with them for 5 minutes? Do I want to have them? What if I say "No"? To tell you the truth, I don't like them in general! It's like saying: "Do you like people?". I don't know! I like some... But I've met them first! What kind of question is that anyway?

I called my ex- co-worker to congratulate her on her 35th birthday the other day. She is the "skipping-uterus" type! She is single, too. She is smart and beautiful, educated and doesn't look a day over 30. I asked her if she'd done anything special for her birthday.
- No, I've stopped celebrating my birthday 3-4 years ago...
-Why?
- What's there to celebrate? My youth? My kids?

I'm still shocked and angry at her!

Maybe that's why I don't let myself consider kids as amazingly cute and beautiful. Because, if I don't get to have them I may be crashed, too, by yet another goal that has not been accomplished... Would it be really my own goal, though? Or is it what everyone expects me to do in order to be considered "complete" as a woman and as a person? Maybe I got angry because I got scared I might feel the same way what I get to be 35...

I remember being with this wonderful guy, having some cretan raki, some chopped tomatoes  from my garden with sea-salt on them. The kind of guy you would never get bored with, not because he is exciting, but because you are so good for each other. An image flashed in my head, us doing the same thing, living together in a Greek island, the image of happiness. He said:
-You must be thinking of something evil again!
- No, not this time...

I just smiled at him.


Our next run will be 10' straight, and that's huge. Who can tell us that it isn't?

"If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you."