Week one

Six months

Three times a week. Walking- Running. A little more running each time, a little less running.

I started the day before yesterday. Half and hour. 1 min running- 2 min walking. I realized that it was easy so I went for a 1min running- 1,5 min walking.
I'm listening to pop music while running, trying not to think.

I saw an old woman the other day in the train. She looked sophisticated, like a retired school teacher, she was sitting in a straight and gentle posture in her seat. Her clothes were clean, but they looked as if they've been picked up from some charity. A t-shirt with some advertisement on, old pants. I went to a demonstration the same day.

I went to my therapist this morning. After 2 years it was the first time I ever cried in a session. Keeping people away avoiding to get hurt when they leave. How can it work since I'm so sad anyway? I just try to avoid the big fluctuations. They say that if you're not living your life you're already dead. I decided that I cannot struggle for anything anymore. I don't want to wait for a boyfriend, for a nice job, for happiness. I will keep running until I don't think about anything, I need a goal that doesn't require any thought, I will keep running even if I don't want to get out of bed.